What's Wrong With Me?

Today I found myself back where I was 3 years ago, sitting on the couch crying over my decision to quit nursing. I don't know why this is such a big deal for me. With Jack, the decision was obvious, it just wasn't working and the kid was starving to death. And yet, it still took me 3 months and a swimming pool full of tears to finally give in and give up.
I guess I just feel that there is serious pressure to breastfeed, and for me, it is always a struggle. I feel like I have to do it though. I feel that if when the nurse at the hospital came in and asked "Now Dear, are planning on doing breast or bottle?" if I said bottle, I would get a stare saying "Why, don't you love your baby? What is wrong with you?"
So I ask, What is wrong with me? Am I the only mother in the world that doesn't enjoy breastfeeding? Everyone claims that it is wonderful and beautiful and such a great way to bond with your baby. What? I am apparently doing it wrong, because it is never that way for me. For me it is inconvienent, overwhelming, emotionally exausting and extremely frustrating when Brooke just screams and wiggles every time I try to nurse her.
Last night I finally had my breakdown as both of my children were screaming and I was hooked up to my pump, unable to satisfy anyone, including myself. I went over to the sink and began washing the 12 bottles from the day, yeah, 12. Brooke only has six feedings, but with pumping, I dirty all the bottles. What am I doing? It was my "a hah!" moment and I realized that this wasn't doing any good for anyone.
The entire family feels my stress when I am trying to nurse, and I have decided to throw in the towel. Vince said he is proud of how long I lasted, but he has been anxiously waiting for me to quit, so I would be happy again. I think he was just tired of watching mom and baby crying on the couch during each feeding.
I know that I shouldn't feel like a bad mother, but I do. Tonight when I gave Brooke her first bottle of formula, I cried. I feel like I am being selfish and it is killing me. I am sure that we will both survive the ordeal, it just seems so hard for me right now, and I really don't know why.

If anyone actually finished reading this incredibly long vent, bless you. I needed this outlet for my emotions. I think if Vince hears me talk about this one more time he will start crying. Oh, the petty little problems that we face at the Byram's. I should just take Vince's advice,

"Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff.

Words to live by.