No Sympathy for the Un-Dead

I have officially lost my mind.

I have taken to telling complete strangers, complete lies.

Here is what happend.

I got my Dish Network bill in the mail and it had a $10.00 late fee, the bill was twice the usual rate and said that they never received my check from last month.

I figure there must be some mistake, as I did in fact pay that bill and send a check. So I decide to call the Customer Service Line and work it out-BAD idea!

First: It took 6+ minutes for me to explain to the fake man on the phone what I wanted to do.

He says he'll transfer me.

I get cut off.

6 more minutes of talking to the fake man.

Then I hold for 7 minutes. I am not upset yet, but things are brewing.

Dish Network: Hello, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

blah=all the words I could not understand because I swear they weren't in English.

How can I help you?

Me: Yes, there was a little problem with my bill and I just want to see where the mix up was.

Dish Network: Of course Mam, and to whom am I speaking.

Me: Angie

Dish Network: Okay Miss Angie, what is the trouble?

Me: On my current statement it says that you never received my payment for last month.

Dish Network: Excuse me Mam, who am I speaking with again.

Me: Angie

Dish: Are you Mrs. Byram?

Me: Yup.

Dish: Is your name by chance James?

Me: Nope, it's A-n-g-i-e (I didn't spell it out, but I said it slowly and annunciated)

Dish: Well Mam, it looks like you are not the primary account holder, so I can not give you any information about this account.

Now that I see why he wanted my name, I know I am going to get nothing accomplished. This is where it takes a turn for the worse.

Me: Well, I just need to know how much to make this check out for, that I am going to mail today ;)

Dish: Sorry, you aren't the primary account holder and I can't give out information.

Me: Oh please, I just need to know what I owe you, that's all.

Dish: Nope. Sorry, I will need to speak with James, then he can authorize you on the account.

Me: Well, James isn't here.

I know that Vince is never home, and it will take quite a long time for him to actually call them to find this out for me, and I really wanted to know what I owed! And by now, I am not happy.

Dish: Maybe he could call us later.

Me: I am the one who pays the bill, so can't you just tell me what I owe?

Dish: No.

Me: Just ask me all the questions you would James, to verify he is the account holder. I know the account number, his social, and all his passwords. Just ask me the questions, I promise I know the answers.

Dish: No. I need to talk to James.

I LOSE IT.

Me: Well..... what if James died?

I totally said this as a joke, and partly to see what he would say.

Dish: I am sorry for your loss, but I can't give you anymore information. Okay Mam, have a nice day.

Click- He totally hung up on me.

Moral of this story: Hang up before you make a total fool of yourself.